Where we are

When I started this blog, I intended to keep it up fairly often so that people would have fairly forthright updates on the state of my health, but I’ve become very ambivalent about posting the past few weeks. I have been physically unable to post and even to meaningfully frame my thoughts for posting. Also, the more dire the news, the less I want to talk about it even now.

However, I wanted to resume on a from time-to-time basis because I have come to see how many people have expressed caring and love for me from all directions. Here’s the short version: Earlier this month my liver began to fail with the build-up of bilirubin and other toxins in my blood and it very much looked like my death was imminent within days. Luckily, the doctors in hospice have been very aggressive in treating what they can treat and I turned the corner about a week ago. They began daily drainage of the ascites and have found a way to get the ammonia buildup under control.
Interestingly, I have few to no valid memories for about a three week period of time. The memories I do have are not valid and I have virtually no recollection of much of what transpired. I recently went through the list of people who visited with me around that time period, and the overwhelming memory I have is a flurry of warm and loving hugs, as people left, so it’s clear that as I need some “play-date do-overs”, although I am not quite ready for that yet. I am still undergoing daily procedures to help the healing process along and this means that from time-to-time, as we fix one thing, there’s a hitch in the road (including a recent sprung leak we’ve finally gotten resolved).
Having said all that, the most important thing that I want to convey is that I am apparently a part of extraordinarily loving community. This ranges from an extraordinary team of doctors who value my life almost as much as my own family does to my synagogue, whose members have been bringing dinners every day for since early February, to dozens of folks from my work family who consistently show so much love and affection that I am moved to tears often. And then, of course, there’s my family... So I will try to post to the blog somewhat more often although I can’t promise to be able to do so with any regularity.
You are an extraordinary group of people.